I used to believe that photos posted on social media showed the perfect lives of people I knew, all smiles and happiness. Beautiful backgrounds and happy people in moments captured for eternity and shared on the internet.

I am the perfect example of the meme you may have seen – even if I don’t talk, my face has subtitles loud and clear. If I tried to smile while angry, my expression would resemble a grimace more than a grin. I wondered how people had so many moments filled with smiles.

French anatomist Guillaume Duchenne stimulated various facial muscles with electrical currents to study the expression of emotions. He found that two facial muscles, the zygomatic major and the orbicularis oculi work to show a genuine expression of positive emotion. Psychologists call this the “Duchenne smile,” and it’s considered by most to be the one and only indicator of true enjoyment. Not smiling the Duchenne smile? That’s a fake one.

Recent studies show that laughter and smiles are social cues driven by engagement. Indeed, smiles are expressions of emotions other than true happiness. You could be smiling out of embarrassment, confusion, and even grief.

Back to the social media posts that got me thinking about happiness, it took me years to understand and accept that we see only what the individual wants us to see. We want to show an ideal side of our lives, not the mess in our rooms, hearts, or minds. It came to a point where I believed showing the mess meant that you didn’t know how to put together your life like everyone else. Your shortcomings were not what people wanted to see or know about.

I took myself off social media for some years to cut down the negativity building within me. I understood the need to conserve my energy for the real world, not my imaginary world. Ignorance was bliss. Life events changed me and helped me become a better person slowly. I still couldn’t smile at the snap of my fingers but hey, I was making progress even if it were in millimeters, and I was more peaceful than if I were comparing myself to everyone else on social media.

One fine day, a friend (and a colleague back then) commented that I should smile more often. I not-so-patiently explained that I can’t fake a smile when irritated or upset. The comment niggled at the back of my mind. I unconsciously noted their facial expressions and realized their smiles did not reach their eyes.

That’s when it hit me.

This was the fake smile in all those photos on social media. Smiles through sadness, anger, frustration, and whatnot. I never noticed people’s eyes when they were smiling. I took their smiles at face value, pun intended. I was inspired to learn to take smiling selfies of myself. The catch was to fake smile through it all. The pandemic and lockdown made it the right time to do something new.

I shared some of these experimental photos with a friend who had known me for a decade and a half. She couldn’t tell that my eyes were not completely lit up. When I pointed out the differences by sharing photos where I was truly happy, she realized the eyes say it loud and clear. It was a bittersweet realization that our Duchenne smiles were far and few. We have successfully learned to fake smile our way through our lives.

Cut to a couple of years later, I know the power of a smile, Duchenne or fake. The possibility that it could spark true happiness within is mighty and well worth the effort of smiling more often. I now fake smile my way through photos with ease and panache, but I know not to measure my true happiness with how I look in photos.

I don’t wish to name this ex-colleague who inspired me to be a better human being. Their impact and presence is felt by everyone who interacts with them. No one misses how positive, encouraging, and patient they are. The power each of us holds is immense. If we can each make someone feel better, positive, hopeful, encouraged, or inspired to take a small step toward their goals, I believe there is more hope for humanity. They don’t say small changes make a big difference for nothing.

Go on, try that smile out. For all you know, you could move from a fake to the Duchenne smile with each passing day.

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