Stumbling through the dark.

It has been dark.

This current year has brought up new challenges and feelings many of us never realized were there.

Spiritually speaking, this has perhaps been one of the purposes of the year 2020.

We are here to deal with the parts of us we have often kept hidden. This can include fears and tears we have never faced consciously before. It can also include love we had suppressed and now realize was always there. Love for estranged family members. Or for a sense of community we never realized we needed.

Many of us may be dealing with a sense of dread. Or a sense of sadness and grief. Our most tender parts.

It is important to allow these feelings to emerge so we can see what is in the dark. For us to embrace them and say:

“I see you,” and “I love you.” Even if they scare you or you judge them. It is all part of the process.

Understand as humans, many of these parts live in the dark. Often suppressed and hidden. We don’t want to feel these feelings which scare or threaten to overwhelm us. We stay in a constant state of doing or denial. But this year, many of us had to stop. And circumstances beyond our control took over.

These feelings can cause us to cry out for help or to withdraw. It’s important to remember that when we allow ourselves to feel our feelings. It only lasts for about 15 minutes at a time. It can feel like a meltdown. But then we are often moved into a sense of release and peace.

I use a meditation for my clients. Taking them through dark parts of themselves and into a garden of sunlight:

“Imagine.

You are walking through a very dark room. You see sheets covering furniture. Boxes stacked in corners. There is the smell of dust.

Ahead you see a hint of light. As you move closer you see light coming through a keyhole in a door. As you slowly open the door you are flooded by this beautiful sunshine.

Your guardian angel is there waiting to greet you with a gentle smile and take your hand to welcome you in. Once inside, you see this beautiful and delightful garden. There are flowers and gorgeous greenery.

There is a feeling of joy and happiness as you find a place to sit under a tree. Your guardian angel holds you as you take in the beauty of the garden.

You want to stay but a part of you can’t. It’s too much beauty and too much joy. You need to retreat back into the dark room. The room of your past. You leave the garden and find your way back. Though the room is dark and musty, you breathe a sigh of relief. It feels like home.”

The parts of us who are accustomed to the dark can only stay in the beautiful garden for a short time. Then they need to retreat back into the darkness. But what is revealed are old patterns ready to be changed. Old hurts ready to be healed. Old grievances ready to be forgiven.

The darker emotions are not to be shunned or seen as bad. They are a part of us. Crying to be allowed, loved and healed.

We slowly need to allow the light in to see what we are holding onto and what needs to be released. 

In nature, after the Winter Solstice, there starts to be less darkness as the days get brighter. The light begins to stay longer each day in tiny increments.

That is how we can begin to allow more light into our own lives.

By being willing to embrace and recognize the darker feelings. Then, in small increments, begin to let in the light. Be willing to feel small amounts of joy or happiness in your day. Look to see where you can find gratitude and grace.

“Light is the nature of the Divine and we are drawn to understand our inner Light surely as we need oxygen to live.” ~ Caroline Myss

As we stumble through the darkness, we prepare for a new day in the sunlight.

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The Future of Connection for Women

Patricia Novak
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