I remember when “cable television” was launched in India in the early 1990s. I was enthralled by the variety of shows from cooking programs (how many of you remember “If Yan can cook, so can you?”), talk shows and travelogues to comedy and investigative series, and other aspects like the different accents, amazing dialogues, and some great acting skills. It was fun to imagine myself living the lives of the characters I saw on television through my high school and college days.

I caught the bug then, the promise of the “American dream.”

Life happened after graduation and with that, my dream moved down my wish list. Marriage and motherhood took the front and center position of my attention. My job as a communications professional gave me diverse and interesting experiences, filled with learning and making memories along the way. Almost when I had given up on my American dream, we had a curveball thrown our way—an opportunity to move to the US during the pandemic.

Changes are hard, especially when uprooting from one country to another and quickly adapting to the hitherto unknown cultural dynamics. Imagine my surprise when having considered myself good enough to understand American accents, it was tough to understand what people were telling me at grocery stores, doctor’s clinics, or my daughter’s school. It didn’t help that instead of picking up the pace at which I thought and spoke, I slowed down.

Looking back, I realize your experiences (and the degree of embarrassment they caused you) help you get better at situations and hopefully less overwhelmed. Even now, after three years of living in the US, some conversations get me all muddled and my responses are hilariously silly, especially to my mature 11-year-old.

While I loved living my dream, the new life brought new problems to resolve/overcome.

Friends support is forever support

Trying to stay in touch with friends in India is different from living in the same time zone and being able to meet. I have always been that friend who checks in occasionally with those I care about. Being alone thousands of miles away from them, I expected to be missed and messaged often (more than what is practical for others). The distance made me question everything I thought was right and true about the people in my life.

The reality is different from my imagination. I am blessed with friends who care and support me when I ask for help. Building a friend circle in a new country as an adult is hard and awkward for a shy person but I am getting there, slowly and steadily.

Knowing and loving myself more

Change lets you see who you are like nothing else does.

My dream of living in the US was an imagined world. I cannot expect that world, unrealistic as it was at the age of 15, to become a reality when I am 40+. Reality is far different and more interesting, with newer dreams to pursue and manifest.

Patience and internal conversations

Being impatient with life and trying to get to a perfect world may never happen. There is only today and no other moment to live in. Understanding and accepting this has been a revelation of an experience. With the current job market situation and my job hunt, this lesson on patience is one that I feel the deepest. The only way forward is to keep putting in the effort to get where I want to be. The results of my actions are not in my hands; the actions are.

I have struggled with being kind and patient with myself, especially in tough situations. It was tough to accept that it takes time to understand the systems and processes in the new country. My mental conversations hit rock bottom at one point. It took opening up/sharing my feelings with fellow immigrants to understand and accept that these are normal effects of relocation. Today, my internal dialogs are more accommodating and compassionate. There’s more road to cover as life never stops surprising you.

Life purpose

One of the questions I am constantly seeking an answer to is: What is my purpose in life? It is one question that may remain unanswered. Or my purpose in life is to live in the moment and not question why things happen the way they do. It’s hard to move forward while delving unendingly into this philosophical quest. But that only moves us away from what we must do. Live our lives taking each day as it comes and doing the small things that make life what it is.

The cycle repeats

The beautiful never-ending mystery of life is that ups and downs come and go. I may have gone through a tough situation and come out scarred and stronger but there will always be a new challenging situation that may make me question some other value or belief I hold dear in life. I must be kind and patient and accept the moments as they come. Live in peace and spread kindness.

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