Nida Jawed is an ICF-certified Life Coach who believes in her client’s full potential and is ready to help him/her write the best story of his/her life. A speaker at the Embracing HER Journey event organized by Ally Bank and Her Nexx Chapter on March 18, Nida spoke about Navigating Anxiety for women employees of the bank.

In our conversation, I learned about her commitment and compassion toward helping people discover themselves and live a fulfilling life. Our conversation is below.

What is anxiety? How do I tell if I am anxious or confusing some other feeling with anxiety?

Anxiety is a lack of mindfulness in the present; either being worried about the future or dwelling in the past, being alert at all times expecting negative outcomes. Or making decisions based on past experiences to prevent them from reoccurring in the future. Anxiousness is often a preventative mindset rather than a growth mindset. It is our nervous system’s response to our environment and it keeps us alert. It is helpful to be aware of your triggers, distinguish between worry and fear, and stay in the current moment mindfully making decisions based on desired growth.

The body’s response to anxiety is very different from other feelings. A beating heart and sweaty palms are the first indications. Involuntary movements such as tapping on the table are signs or indicators that won’t be present during other experiences of emotions such as happiness or anger.

How did you start with your journey of helping people navigate anxiety?

I was in a holy land with a group of people. A psychologist saw me operating among the group and pulled me aside to ask if I thought of being a life coach. I asked her what a life coach does. She said it’s someone who can help people live better lives by being their guide. Of course, I considered and started my journey; during my certification/training, I worked with 50 people, and I was rated the highest by the sample group. It was a proud moment for me. In my experience, I feel the majority of people seem to be stuck worrying about what their future would entail. Their top concern is past experiences, traumas, and pains; they simply want to break the patterns from repeating, There is no growth mindset. You create scenarios and build resolutions to scenarios based on fear and worry, by doing so you are addressing possibilities, not real events. I believe that people are more detrimental to themselves than others are to them. I help people create thought maps and teach them how to handle the present. Many people struggle to answer the question: “Who am I?”

What are some common misconceptions about anxiety in your experience?

To be honest, everyone has a certain level of anxiety. It is often mistaken to be a sickness that cannot be prevented. Anxiety escalates to unmanageable levels after someone has gone through a life-altering event, sickness, losing a family member, or experiencing shock, loss, or trauma. Unfortunately, some people train their nervous system to the point of no return. In others, it can be managed. Grief must be accepted. If you cannot manage something right now, accept that this is the new you. A small trigger will have your heartbeat racing. Many people are not living in an alignment of mind, body, and soul. This does not come from mindfulness but from fear in the subconscious mind. They have forgotten how to challenge that.

Do not remain at a certain point in your life and make the trauma become a block.
It is most important to come back to the present.

What role has social media and the influencer culture played in this? What is your recommendation to our readers on tips and approaches to not falling prey to fake information on social media?
Social media contributes immensely to high anxiety not just in youth, who are the target audience for the influencers, but also adults. Women go to great lengths to showcase a false version of themselves on social media and are aided by filters. We are moving away from reality. People are more anxious about getting likes and comments on social media than they are invested in building a relationship with the person(s) living with them. They are more concerned about what the stranger online is saying. The influencer culture is manifesting wealth and success based on people’s fears. Entertainment content, as per statistics, is searched for more than educational content such as how to build yourself, how to be mindful, or how to manage your relationships. It is essential to be present in the situation. Self-respect is a mirror of self-love. Why are people desperate to be accepted, not judged, and getting more likes than being more authentic? People are more open to trusting strangers than family. In today’s dating culture, past experiences are repeated in current relationships. There is an obvious pattern of what social media has created in the living reality of our world. We are doing everything to make our virtual lives a success but not being mindfully present in our realities.

What are some common triggers? Is anxiety genetic?

Anxiety can be genetic. It can also come through generational trauma. Anxiety is also taught. When we talk about traditions and cultural systems, we have to consider upbringing, and what we were taught to worry about. An example, getting scolded for having a bad grade can trigger anxiety in a child every time the exam is in front of him/her. Who is expected to sacrifice the most in the family system is another example. It forms an expectation, and a girl seeing her mother’s sacrifice may get nervous about her future. The anxiety of one generation can be baggage that’s being passed on to the next. Did these traditions harm generation after generation?

Tradition holds beliefs; it gives you ethics, morals, and an identity, to a certain extent.
It becomes harmful when there is a particular belief about a specific gender.

People must deal with gentleness. Pain doesn’t always have to be accepted by the next generation. What if someone challenges it? They have to face reality before they can accept it. Genetically, a mother’s thoughts and the way her nervous system operates have an enormous impact on the child. The father also contributes to how the child will turn out through sperm health and cells. An example could be anger issues. Between generational trauma, baggage from previous generations, background issues, the mother’s experiences, or the father’s anxiety levels, anxiety is passed down.

Anything we do in life turns into a pattern. We learn to trust, and if we then face betrayal, next we will do what it takes to prevent betrayal, forming an anxious pattern of preventative mindset. This induces pain and fear. The nervous system is now conditioned to be in a state of alarm and expects the trigger to happen anytime. Many people feel the most anxiety at the dentist’s office. What built this anxiety? Perhaps the stories of people’s experiences of having a tooth pulled, the tools and the bright lights. A very judgmental person causes a lot of anxiety.

It becomes the individual’s duty to take care of their own triggers and respond appropriately to them.
Life coaches can help you identify and build an approach to those triggers.

How do you approach people who resist facing their anxiety or are in denial?

You cannot help someone who cannot accept the help nor wants to be helped. The professional’s job is to make you see the pattern and help you break it. Learn new methods and do away with old methods, unlearn limiting beliefs. Those with escalated levels cause anxiety in their family members. Anxiety lives in a circle. Anyone who comes to a life coach is in the mindset of healing. They want to know how to manage and live better. This is my message to everyone: If you are struggling to speak with a professional, and if you have a safe person who has your complete trust, you need to talk to them. My advice to that trusted person is to be a listener. Whatever it may be, just listen to what is on their mind. Talk therapy can be a huge relief. The listener is not there to fix their problems, especially if you don’t know how to fix them.

Next, when someone is uncontrollable in their anxiety, the first thing a person can do is a tender touch to bring them back to the present. They can touch themselves on the face or shoulder, tap somewhere on their body, or hold any object nearby. Try to use at least one of the five senses in the moment of anxiousness to come to the present state of mind. If the person is struggling to breathe, they must inhale as hard as possible, and release. Breathing is a great exercise. Practicing five deep breaths is mentioned in yoga, meditation, and exercises. If you feel any worry, breathe. Take a few steps back from the situation and breathe.

How have treatments for anxiety evolved over the years? What are the benefits of today’s treatments?

As far as management goes, the human body is designed to heal. Bones heal themselves. Broken hearts heal themselves over time. We need to be aware and know how to calm down. I am glad more people are talking about anxiety and treating it. Being cognitive of this and accepting this concept is a huge step. In many cultures, it was taboo to acknowledge that there was something wrong with an individual; mental health, anxiousness, isolation, all of these were not a reason for concern.

Remaining in the present takes training. It takes training to change what you’ve learned. The good news is, more people are willing to learn, train themselves, and manage their emotions. I am glad I am teaching these techniques. The biggest reality check is to realize how one is operating in life. It is not emotional but intellect. For example, you could be very anxious at work but still maintain your composure, then the moment you’re with someone comfortable, you start venting or taking out your feelings on them. This example tells us, as humans we are capable of controlling our emotions. We just take it where we can dump it somewhere else. Now, to live healthy and prevent anxiety, we have to be mindful, operational, and functional. More people are reactive than responsive. Once the difference is known, things become easier.

Do women have more access now?

Yes, women have more access. The majority of the people reaching out for help are women. Statistically, men show 40% more anxiety than women but are not seeking help. Women are seeking help graciously. No one deserves to live with pain. After hitting their 30s, a majority of women are done taking care of others and having what they experience get in the way of their daily living. This is where generational trauma and anxiety come in. Can you imagine a woman who is going through all of this? It is a lot to endure.

Do you have a message for our readers?

Living in the present is the most important. Refrain from negative thoughts. Reframe what you are thinking. The law of nature says what you believe is what you create. You contribute to the majority of the problems you have. You held on to anxiety, worries, fears, and betrayals. Whatever you held on to, you nurtured. You’re growing negativity instead of growing you. Feel things around you. The virtual world is a demand of today’s time but it is not reality. Break down big challenges. If you’re facing something daunting, face it anyway. What’s the worst that’s gonna happen? Don’t react to it, respond to it. Strategize. Engage in self-care.

The Future of Connection for Women