Over time, almost every woman slowly builds her wardrobe—not necessarily a physical one, but a collection of clothes and jewelry. I have done the same. However, it wasn’t until recently that I realized how special the relationship between a woman and her wardrobe can be.
The collection of clothes changes with different stages of life, reflecting not only simply aging and shifts in body shape but also evolving thoughts and self-perception. For example, before I turned 25, I was a tomboy. Growing up in a small, conservative village, I felt that wearing skirts of any sort seemed too flirtatious. My wardrobe consisted of only school uniforms and long pants and no jewelry. Even though my grandparents occasionally bought me skirts, I never wore them to school and felt ashamed if I did. In my twenties, I attended college in a big city, where my style became slightly less conservative. However, I still couldn’t envision myself in cute or elegant skirts, and wearing makeup remained a foreign concept until I was 33. In hindsight, the truth was not about the styles but that I had somehow placed myself in the rigid identity frame of a tomboy in the conservative culture. This identity was like a mask that I subconsciously wore and preserved, without knowing my true self.
Surprisingly, after a long-term relationship ended and having lived in the US for over ten years, my concept of a fixed self-image collapsed. I began to explore who I am as a person and a woman and what I truly like. As I read more books and thought more about life, I became more open. My wardrobe began to fill with skirts of various styles. Dressing up lightly, once seen as a waste of time, became a joy. It was surprisingly delightful to realize wow, I actually look beautiful as a woman and don’t have to be a tomboy all the time.
Initially, I relied on online pictures and friends’ judgments to guide my choices in clothing because I had no idea about color, style, design, or what looks good on me and what I like. Most of my early purchases were from department stores, reflecting popular trends. Gradually, I gained more knowledge about styles and fabrics and discovered my preferences. I then seldom shopped for clothes purposefully. Instead, I found more joy in picking up unique pieces of clothing that I fell in love with when I came across them. If the price was reasonable, I bought them.
I also discovered the delight of second-hand stores, which didn’t exist in China, and it took me a while to realize the fun and sustainability of them. In second-hand stores, I sometimes came across unique, vintage pieces and felt a sense of warmth and connection with their previous owners. Wearing these pieces feels like sharing a bond with someone who has similar tastes, bringing their pieces to life on me. Looking at the diversity of clothes I have in my wardrobe, I see a true representation of my growth in taste, openness, and self-acceptance: This woman now embraces various styles, including very feminine ones and loves every facet of herself.
The reason I reflect on the topic of women and their wardrobes is because a 73-year-old friend recently invited me to explore hers. She picked out a bunch of clothes from her younger days, some sewn by herself, and they fit me perfectly. These clothes, older than me, were beautifully designed and held many of her memories. It was amazing to see how, after being left in the closet for years, they now came to life on me. She was as excited and happy as I was, reminiscing about her younger days. It was a bonding moment that deepened our friendship, which had grown over three years despite living in different cities.
Showing someone’s wardrobe or closet is a form of deep trust for women. Each piece in a wardrobe is handpicked over the years, some with a story behind it. Sharing these stories with trusted friends brings joy and understanding. Looking back, I realize only a few female friends have seen my wardrobe, and they are my closest friends. No matter how long we’ve been apart, I can always call them and share anything with them. Similarly, just as looking at a person’s bookshelf or music collection offers insight into their inner world, I also have close friends with whom I share connections through books or music.
Among the millions of pieces of clothing in the world, I have only picked and paid for those in my wardrobe. These choices reflect my taste, understanding of beauty, and view of life. Wearing them also influences how others perceive me as a whole. Clothing is not just clothing; it’s much like how Schopenhauer viewed faces. As he wrote, “a man’s face as a rule says more, and more interesting things, than his mouth, for it is a compendium of everything his mouth will ever say, in that it is the monogram of all this man’s thoughts and aspirations.”
Among millions of people, I have handpicked only a small group of friends, and fortunately, they have chosen me as well. Life is a solitary journey for everyone, but those precious friends who share core values of love, respect, and an understanding of life, the world, and the universe make this journey more fulfilling and sweeter.
This woman feels fortunate to have her own collection of clothes, wisdom, and friends. In turn, they are all integral parts of her identity and journey through life.
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