Most of the time, when the word “soulmate” comes up, people associate it with romantic partners. For the longest time, my subconscious held the same belief. But recently, I’ve started to reflect on it more seriously. To me, a soulmate is someone through whom you see a part of yourself—your beliefs, values, or even the way you live. It doesn’t have to involve romantic love. This idea aligns closely with the concept of platonic love or friendship, rooted in strong intellectual and spiritual connection. Under this assumption, it’s possible to have more than one soulmate. Ideally, a romantic partner could be one of them, where physical attraction also plays an important role. And this recognition was inspired by my recent winter break trip.

During my school’s winter break, I traveled to New Mexico, my old stomping ground, to visit a beloved friend—a 73-year-old woman who had been my landlord during an extended business trip last summer. Over that period, we gradually got to know and appreciate each other, forming a close friendship. The more I’ve gotten to know her, the more I realize how much we are alike. She inspires me in countless ways—she’s kind, wise, strong, and upbeat, a constant source of positivity. I was also flattered when she once told me she admires my persistence and optimism. Coincidentally, all her shoes and clothes from 30 years ago fit me perfectly. She gifted me some of them, which I later took on a European trip. I sent her photos of me in her clothes, and we both felt a strong bond—it seemed as if I was traveling with a younger version of her.

During my recent visit, she was dealing with a difficult situation involving a loved one she’d been caring for. For the first time, I saw her uneasy and vulnerable. When I hugged her, she broke down crying. She cares so deeply, yet there was truly nothing she could do. My heart ached for her, and I understood the helplessness she felt. I let her cry, and the next day, I told her, “I love you even more now because your kindness and care shine even brighter in your low moments.” She thanked me for being there. I joked, “Hey, you offer me a place to sleep and feed me. I should be the one thanking you!” But deep down, we both understood the significance of being there for each other. She’s more than a friend to me—she’s a teacher, a loving mother, and a soul that resonates with mine. (Her life story is so inspiring that I might write a separate piece just about her.)

I also met another remarkable woman through this friend. The first time I saw her, I was struck by her presence—tall, beautiful, and exuding a unique energy that drew me in. Sometimes, people have an unexplainable chemistry or energy that makes paths cross. Over time, we met on several occasions and gradually got to know each other. I remember joking once about renting her then-boyfriend to practice dance moves for $1, and we all laughed, which made the conversation flow effortlessly afterward. Though I don’t live in the same city, we meet for lunch or dinner whenever I visit. During our first lunch, I was deeply moved to hear about her previous life’s challenges, including a battle with cancer. That conversation created a strong bond between us, as we both understood how life can take unexpected sharp turns, having

experienced them ourselves, and we  fully recognized the importance of cherishing the calmness of unremarkable normalcy.

She also shared her love story about meeting her first husband at a conference in Europe. He was American; she was from North America. They fell in love at first sight during the 10-day event, dated long-distance briefly, and eventually he flew to propose to her, then they got married. They decided not to live in the same cities as their parents for a while, wanting to fully enjoy their freedom, so they opened a map and picked London. They lived there for five years… It sounds like a wildly romantic story. However, at that moment, I was literally shocked—her story was so similar to my own with my ex, whom I met just before moving to the U.S. I shared my story with her and said: “Wow, we are the same kind of women!” Then I joked, ‘’Maybe that’s why we both failed our first marriages, ha ha.”

On this recent visit, we had dinner again—just days before her wedding. Since the heavier topics had already been discussed during previous talks, this gathering was lighthearted and fun. I learned that she used to compete in horseback riding and is also a writer with two books published. It excited me to find someone with such similar hobbies and all better than me. Over wine, we discovered more common ground. We both like Hermann Hesse. I’ve read Steppenwolf and Siddhartha, but I struggle with Steppenwolf. She, on the other hand, deeply understands it, as she is an MD and psychiatrist. We got more excited, sharing our thoughts on his works. She also showed me some wall drawings she made in the houses she’s invested in, including one from the hardest time in her life in 2019. She pointed to the picture and explained, “I wanted to fly away from Earth back then.” It depicted a woman floating above the globe, slowly drifting into the vast universe—so alone, with nothing on Earth anchoring her. My heart felt her pain and desperation, as I, too, have experienced moments like that. In that instant, I wished I could give her all the warmth in the world to keep her hopeful and firmly grounded in this life on earth. Meanwhile, I felt a profound connection with her—a shared appreciation for life, its struggles, and its beauty.

Sometimes, life has a way of placing you in the right moments, whether planned or not. I wasn’t initially invited to her wedding because it was a small family gathering and I was too far away. But her wedding happened to be just four hours before my flight, so I was able to attend. After one marriage fell apart, I was not much looking forward to marriage. But when I saw her in white, smiling sweetly after taking all the hard punches of life, my heart melted like a pancake. Propelled by the rolling wave of emotion in the wedding party, I gave my first toast of my life, unprepared. I don’t remember everything I said, which lasted at least five minutes (blame my profession—99.99% professors tend to talk too much!). But here’s the essence of what I shared:

“We hadn’t spent much time together, but at this point in life, our souls are good at recognizing friends. She has an incredibly pure soul, with a sincere and kind heart. I believe she will love consistently and sincerely, and anyone who knows her understands how far she’s come. It’s truly precious to see someone who’s gone through life’s darkest moments and still emerged kind and childlike in her sincerity. She belongs to the writer’s club who usually tend to have more tender and sensitive minds. Please love her kindly and gently….”

Looking back, the toast carried my personality—fun and heartfelt. I made people laugh, but only I know I also almost cried. Oh, it was also during that toast that I shared my definition of soulmates for the first time, which I wrote at the beginning of this piece.

On a different note: A friend once asked me about my thoughts on female versus male friendships. In college, I had male friends, and we were like buddies, hanging out all the time. But as I’ve grown older, it’s become harder to have deep friendships with men, as most are married or in relationships, and there’s always an invisible boundary—which I completely understand and respect. That said, I do meet similar male souls. It feels like we’re on opposite sides of a tall and firm fence, most of the time tending to our own yards. Sometimes, we catch glimpses of each other, knowing that the other person understands a part of you and will always offer help if needed. Occasionally, we may happen to work along the fence at the same time, and then we pause shortly to share a genuine conversation. And that, in itself, is beautiful.

So, soulmates transcend gender, age, race, and other distinctions. If a male soulmate happens to be single and physically attractive, it might evolve into a relationship for me—whether short or long, who knows? Ah, life unfolds as it will, like a river flows…

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