After the holiday rush, we’re thrown into the most romantic month of the year, February. Valentine’s Day hits us right in the middle of the month and depending on your relationship status, it can have a positive or negative effect on your week. Regardless, February is National Creative Romance Month, designed to push you to spice up your dating life or revamp it altogether.

Modern dating has reached an impasse as online dating platforms skew more casual and in-person meet-cutes are few and far between. When was the last time someone asked for your number in a coffee shop? When was the last time you looked up from your phone in a coffee shop to notice anyone cute? Modern technology has built auditory, visual, and societal barriers to the fun and adventurous dating we romanticize in older media like Sex in the City or Friends. The obstacles don’t end once you’re in a stable relationship either, research indicates that 51 percent of adults in relationships report that their partner is distracted by their phone during conversations and 34 percent admit to looking through their partner’s phone without their permission. Compounding issues of limited sociability, diminishing communication, and an overall lack of trust all put strain on individuals and their relationships.

Social media is playing a large role in these statistics as well, as many couples report feeling jealous about what their partners are seeing online or singles are discouraged by the amount of people in relationships around them. It puts us in a constant spiral of fear and self-doubt. How do we overcome this digital age that is definitely here to stay? The old-fashioned way.

Dating should be a fun and exciting experience for all parties involved. While there are bound to be flutters of anxiety before a first date or waves of embarrassment after a carefully drafted casual text, dating is not a chore. There are three categories I predict needing romantic advice this February: couples, situationships, and singles.

For our purposes, couples are characterized as individuals in exclusive relationships, where seeing anyone else would be considered cheating. Additionally, it would be ideal if both parties were on the same page about the status of the relationship. If you’re stuck looking for a date night activity and Top Golf or Air-Dry Clay just won’t cut it anymore, take charge. Plan a surprise for your partner with activities you know are guaranteed to make you both happy. Whether it’s a night out pretending to be strangers, a movie night at a hotel to get away from home, or a surprise hike to watch the sunset, the possibilities are endless. The surprise factor will be enough to let your partner know that you care enough and know them well enough to anticipate what will make them happy.

The second group is more complex to define. In slang, a situationship is an emotional or sexual relationship not defined by labels or set boundaries like exclusiveness. A good rule of thumb to identify this scenario is to ask yourself if they would introduce you to their friends as someone they’re seeing or their friend. And if you wouldn’t bet money on the two of you defining the relationship in similar and simple terms, it’s most likely in this category. This makes romance more difficult because there is an inherent lack of security. While our first instinct might be to put up the best facade of nonchalance possible, this will lead to a cycle of feigned indifference and frustration. Similarly to how William James describes the issue of religion in his “The Will to Believe” I see no evidence that it is more embarrassing to be hopeful about a romantic relationship and for it to end badly than it is to hide your hopefulness and still lose the relationship. Either way, you have lost the thing you coveted.

Instead of pure creativity in your romantic plans with this person, I challenge you to be honest about where you want the relationship to go. Be incredibly honest, even if you’re embarrassed to admit it. Next, write it down. Writing it out will force you to come to terms with the statement’s truth. Once you have written it out, try to proceed in the relationship by staying as true to your desire as possible. If that desire changes, change what you wrote. But if you find yourself in a situation where you are betraying what you want, take a step back and evaluate if the relationship is worth enough to compromise yourself.

The final category is very simple. You are single if you are not in any of the above scenarios. But this doesn’t mean February can’t be the romantic whirlwind your Pinterest board is throwing in your face. There are two approaches you can take to romanticize your February.

1. You have a crush.

There’s a special person you can’t stop thinking about, no matter how hard you try. They invade your time, what music you want to listen to, the movies you’re watching, and your daydreaming. Instead of reprimanding yourself for dedicating so much time to them, allow yourself an appropriate amount of time to fantasize about your crush. However, try to steer clear of wondering whether or not they like you as well. This can turn a perfectly innocent daydream into a full-blown spiral of insecurity and embarrassment. Allowing yourself to live in the fantasy for a short time can help you express your emotions and hopefully leave more space for other thoughts.

2. You haven’t had a crush or romantic interest in months.

It happens to the best of us, we have busy lives and packed social calendars. Maybe the person in front of you in line was flirting with you, but who has the time to ponder that when you have hot yoga in 20 minutes and your leggings are still at the office under the pile of paperwork you need to bring home which will get tossed next to the haul of groceries you’re buying that needs to be meal prepped. And you have brunch tomorrow morning! Life can get on top of us and that’s okay. But it is important to allow yourself to appreciate your beauty and the beauty of those around you, especially in a casual and adventurous way such as noticing if you’re attracted to someone. You don’t have to do anything about it but be open to the possibility in new places like your walk to coffee on the weekend or when you’re out running errands.

Additionally, notice one physical and personal thing about yourself that you find attractive. Have you noticed how full your lips are lately, or how the natural arch of your eyebrows frames your face? The shape that your hair falls in the morning or your nail beds. Does your sense of style make you feel accomplished and put together, have you been exceptionally funny or kind in the past couple of weeks? Any of these small instances can help you build confidence and get that romantic spark back into your life!

With all of this in mind, remember the ultimate goal is to have fun and spice up your romance! Give yourself the grace to be embarrassed by putting yourself out there and doing caring things for the people you love.

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