Since I am an only child, the relatives most important to me are my cousins because we can share our childhood.

Cousins can come in a variety of “species” and that’s not just because of physical or intellectual similarities but many factors. First cousins refer to the direct relationship of these children of our parents’ brothers and sisters. Then it gets complicated because our cousins have children, and in our family we can’t figure out who is second or once removed so they are all just cousins!

As an only child, I didn’t provide any direct cousins to my kids, but we have great outings with my cousins and their children, and we just call them all cousins. In fact, we often use the label as a direct name. Thus my daughter Gayle calls my cousin Louise and addresses her by saying, “Hello cousin!” It’s the same for my cousin’s daughter and son. Add to this a variety of spouses and they might be my cousin-in-law or just plain cousin. We just don’t want to further complicate anything.

We tend to have a special relationship with our cousins because we usually don’t live with them like people do with their brothers and sisters. Some families are not close, and this also can include cousins. But cousins remember our shared childhood experiences, things like my dad playing baseball with Cousin Ted, and Ted won but he didn’t have a couple of beers like my dad. Or when life threw me a few curve balls, I went to my Aunt Irene who understood me because she’d known me my whole life.

Other cousin families can include some step cousins where someone who already has children joins one of our family with cousins. In an ideal world no one cares if there’s actually a blood connection, and it’s just the more the merrier at family gatherings.

I once attended a family reunion for all the people descended by my American/German paternal great grandparents. There were so many people, and I didn’t know half of them. So we’d chat and I’d say, “My dad is Ken Aspinall” and one of the other people was the son of my dad’s cousin Cliff, so we’d figure out that we were blood relatives but really had no clue the other existed! I even had a new electrician come into my office years ago and when I asked which Pause (German pronunciation “Paw-See”) family was his (there are two lines in Adams, Massachusetts where my father was born), we discovered we were related but didn’t know the label and had never met before.

Without brothers and sisters, my cousins are especially important to me. And my gosh, when we get together over some New England whole belly clams, we laugh until it hurts. Then we tell family secrets when we learn them, and we’re shocked! But we’re still laughing.

National Cousins Day is July 24 so call your cousin! Or find a photo from when you were kids and post it on Facebook. Or plan a get together if possible. Since I live just outside of Washington, DC and my dad’s family is in Massachusetts, our get togethers aren’t frequent but they are fun. The rest of my family is in England so it’s even more complicated. “Chats” and “WhatsApp” keep us in contact. I feel blessed to have so many really wonderful cousins – first, second, once removed, in laws, and other denominations. I think we appreciate our family as we grow older – especially when we laugh all the time we’re together. I wish you wonderful times with your cousins, too!

Her Nexx Chapter invites you to join our free Community where women from around the world are connecting with each other’s stories, exploring different experiences, and transforming ideas.

The Future of Connection for Women