Every couple has issues or concerns that they avoid bringing up. It’s natural to want to keep the peace in your relationship and to avoid raising topics that may stir up conflict.

But as easy as it can be to sweep things under the rug, doing so also means missing the chance to work through your issues and strengthen your relationship.

April is National Couple Appreciation Month, and it’s your reminder to check in with your partner and have a deep discussion about the things that truly matter. Take this as an opportunity to address the shortcomings or concerns that may be lingering between you, and to think about what each of you can do to better support one another.

Here are five conversation ideas to help you get started:

1. How can we show up better for each other?

Resentment will often arise when the amount of effort put into your relationship doesn’t feel reciprocated by the other person.

Talk to your partner about whether both of you are doing everything you can to ensure the other person is not taking them for granted. What more could either of you do to drive home a greater sense of appreciation and support with your significant other?

This could come down to simple actions like splitting up housework in a fairer way, organizing more date nights, or showing greater appreciation for the other person. Asking such a fundamental question could also be an opportunity to open up discourse around deeper actions, such as the need for more physical or emotional intimacy.

Ask each other whether you’re doing all that you can to show up for one another, and you may be surprised at what you both learn.

2. How can we improve the way we resolve conflicts?

Conflicts will come up in every relationship, and it isn’t healthy to try and avoid them. But what you can do is work on how you resolve conflict the next time an argument is brewing.

Start by understanding how both you and your partner approach conflict, then find a resolution method that prevents things from escalating when emotions are running high.

For example, if one person gets extremely emotional and heated in an argument, while the other tends to withdraw, then it’s obvious that both sides have different ways of dealing with conflict that directly oppose one another. In this instance, both parties need to acknowledge this difference and agree on a middle ground, such as giving each other time and space to calm down and self-regulate negative emotions before talking.

Having a better understanding of what both you and your partner do in times of conflict will allow you to approach your future arguments will greater awareness and care.

3. Are we speaking each other’s love languages?

Understanding your partner’s love language is a crucial first step to truly meeting their emotional needs.

You might think you know what your partner’s love language is, and vice versa, but how we show love is very often rooted in how we want to receive love. The things we do for our partner can often be our own interpretation of love, rather than theirs.

Ask your significant other what their love language is, and what actions they would want to see more of from you, then share the same things around your love language with them.

Share the actions that you would both like to see from each other – this can help you both learn how to better love the other person in the ways they want to be loved.

4. How are we organizing our finances?

Financial stress is one of the leading causes of divorce, and it makes having a frank conversation about managing your finances all the more crucial in a long-term relationship.

It’s very normal for couples to have different attitudes towards money. Maybe one of you is more prone to making purchases when things go on sale, while the other is less price-conscious but will only purchase the very best product after meticulous research.

While day-to-day differences in spending may feel inconsequential, greater conflicts will almost certainly arise if you aren’t on the same page for the big financial decisions – such as how much to save for a home deposit, or whether you can afford to start or grow your family. Ultimately, these financial decisions are also life decisions that will shape your future together in the years ahead.

Communicate with your partner on the expectations you both have around finances. Agree on a budget that works for both of you – this will help you work towards a shared financial goal, while setting clear boundaries on how much you can still freely spend.

5. What do we want to do with our lives? And are we on the right track?

Talking about the future can be very daunting, especially if your dreams around what you want to achieve are different from your partner’s.

Rather than thinking of your future as two separate sets of goals, try to reposition this as the long-term goals you want to achieve together. Maybe you want to start a family, maybe you or your partner want to go back to school and go on a career break, or maybe you want to live in another city or country. These are all crucial life decisions that must be made together out of a place of mutual support if you want your relationship to stay strong.

Learn to embrace these conversations – as painful as they may be to confront in the short term, being able to work at building a shared future together will ultimately strengthen your relationship.

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